Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The Miracle of Mindfulness

Last night I was reading "The Miracle of Mindfulness" by Thich Nhat Hanh (Thay), just before going to bed. One para stood out of the page literally "talking" to me! It has stayed in my mind ever since and echoes something deep that I have often felt for a long time, but have been unable to express as beautifully as it has been done in these words from the book.

The words that I am quoting are from a part of a conversation that Thay has with his friend who was visiting him with his seven year old son. This friend of his has two kids, one much younger than the one he had brought. In the two hours that Thay spent with them, he found that their conversations were constantly interrupted by the seven year old, who demanded undivided attention.Thay tried hard to keep him occupied with books and other things, but the little one just tossed them aside. Later, when they did get to find a little time to chat and Thay asks his friend how easy family life was for him, his friend answers with a smile:

"I've discovered a new way to have a lot more time. In the past, I used to look at my time as if it were divided into several parts. One part I reserved for Joey, another part was for Sue, another part to help with Ana, another part for household work. The time left over I considered my own. I could read, write, do research, go for walks.

But now I try not to divide time into parts anymore. I consider my time with Joey and Sue as my own time. When I help Joey with his homework, I try to find ways of seeing his time as my own time. I go through the lesson with him, sharing his presence and finding ways to be interested in what we do during that time. The time for him becomes my own time. The same with Sue. The remarkable thing is that now I have unlimited time for myself!"
 
And this was something that he had discovered for himself in his own daily life - not something that he had learned from reading Thay's books.

I found that this is true for me too, for I have often felt this way as I live my life with my family. Many of my well-meaning friends and relatives urged me to do something to meet and take care of my own needs, which were often looked at as separate from the fabric of my life.....'take time off for yourself - it is important....you do have a life beyond your child...." was the usual refrain. Somehow, those words didn't ring a bell for me; they didn't inspire me to find and make the time for myself. However, very often I found myself swayed by these words and other conversations that I have been witness to or a part of in my life. I often found myself  caught in a conflict and churning within....not knowing what to do. So I went back and forth - desperately trying to make that time for myself, talking to my son and my husband.....

Until it all fell into place so magically  one day - the day I drew my son. While I shared the end-product with everyone around me, as I could not believe the magic that happened that day, I could not find the words to share the process. The happiness that I felt when I heard what my friends had to say when they saw the end-product was in no way comparable to the sheer joy and magic that I felt in those moments, when I was truly mindful with my son.

My son was building the Lego Taj Mahal for the third time in a little more than a year. He would ask me to find and collect the blocks he needed for each step, and I would oblige. After a while, when it got too repetitive for me, and I told him that I would find something else to do there while he built, he suggested that I draw him, just as I had done on our recent holiday. As he was constantly moving around and I could not get down to drawing him, he immediately suggested that I draw him from a photograph of his. So that was how it all started and ended. But what went on in between?

It had been more than twenty five years since I had attempted sketching seriously! - the last serious attempt was when we learned art from a master who used to come home to teach my sister and me, when we were in school. After that, I lost touch and interest with art, except for a few occasional attempts at dabbling in sketching for a newsletter and so on. But that day, when I sat sketching him, my fingers seemed to have magic in them.....they could not stop, and did not want to....and everything just flowed like water - there was not even one place where they got stuck....I felt an inexplicable sense of peace, joy and a deep deep connection, as I made that sketch of my son. I felt every single part of him come alive as I drew them. And that to me was the miracle of mindfulness - I had suddenly found a glimpse of that again - the lesson that I have learned from my son time and again.

"Mindfulness is the miracle by which we master and restore ourselves."

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad I read this today, Priya. Lots to think about for myself. I have gone through similar tussle as well - time for myself vs the time with Pari. I have often felt that the time that I'm with her is my time as well for I have always found ways to make it fun and engrossing. But, I've also felt that I have the urge to be just with myself - in silence - from within too - without the noise of my thoughts and inner 'talking'. Doing art gives me that feeling of silence and peace.

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